THE NIGHT BEFORE CLOSING
by Bob Chapman
Adapted from:The Night Before Christmas
By Clement Clarke Moore
Dateline: Lake Stevens, Washington – (December 13, 2006)
‘Twas the night before Closing, when all through the house,
Not a creature was sleeping, not even the spouse;
The boxes were stacked in the garage with care,
In hopes that “The REALTOR®” with keys soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of a new home danced in their heads;
And mamma in her sweats, and I in my jeans,
Had just settled down and begun to clean;
When out in the street there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the floor to see what was the matter;
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and tripped on the trash;
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below;
When, what to my wondering eyes should beam,
But a massive Escalade and eight frantic helpers, all part of his team;
With a well dressed driver, so lively and debonair,
I knew in a moment it must be “The REALTOR®”;
More rapid than a wire transfer his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
“Now, Escrow! Now, Title! Now, Appraiser and Lender!
On, Mover! On Merlin! On, Houdini and Inspector!
On Merlin and Houdini? Well – Once in a while – Even the best REALTOR® needs a little magic to make it to Closing!
To the top of the steps! To the top of the wall!
Now get it closed! Get it closed! Get it closed all!”
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;
So up to the closing table the coursers they flew,
With the Escalade full of documents, and “The REALTOR®” too;
And then, in a twinkling, I heard at the door,
The chattering and panting of each little helper;
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Thru the door “The REALTOR®” came with a bound;
He was dressed all in Nordstrom’s finest, from his head to his toe,
And his clothes were all burnished with bling don’t you know;
A bundle of papers he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack;
His eyes — how they twinkled! His dimples how merry,
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;
The stump of a blue ink pen he held tight in his teeth,
And a glow of pompousness encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a big round belly,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly;
A Bluetooth in his ear, he seemed to talk to himself,
And I laughed at what I saw, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
He shuffled his papers; then turned with a jerk;
With stylus in hand, he studied his PDA,
While flipping open his lap-top he began to say;
There will be no extensions of closing,
So don’t even think that question you are posing;
He said sign here, you know the drill,
I lay pen to paper, oh what a thrill;
He said nothing to worry, we will close tomorrow,
All the money you need, you just have to borrow;
And laying his finger aside of his head,
And giving a nod, out the door he lead;
He sprang to his Escalade, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle;
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy Closing to all, and to all sleep tight.”
My apologies to Clement Clarke Moore, author of The Night Before Christmas, for butchering his great poem. I just thought that it would be some light hearted fun to spoof me and my profession a little bit. For those of you who might say “Bah Humbug!” and would prefer that the “Bugle” stick to reporting local real estate news – It will be back in January.
I want to take a moment to thank all of you for your support in what has been a very good year for me and my family. My two children, well young adults now, are both in college. Bethany is a freshman at Central Washington University in Ellensburg and Kyle is a junior attending Eastern Washington University in Cheney. Both are majoring in Education.
My wife, Kathy, and me are doing our very best to fill the vast emptiness of the house and our lives since the kids are not around everyday. Ha! Ha! We deeply love our children, however, we are having a wonderful time discovering each other again and doing some of those things, together, that are inevitably put on hold while raising a family.
Again, thank you for taking the time to read the “Bugle” each month. I trust and hope that it has been beneficial in some way to all.
Best wishes to you and yours for the New Year and Merry Christmas!
Oh, and Happy Closings, too!
Bob’s Bugle Real Estate Newsletter December 2006
Bob’s Bugle Real Estate Newsletter December 2006, copyright 2006. All material contained herein is owned and protected. Any attempts to reproduce this information without the express written consent from the owner will be prosecuted.
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